expresso-boy

I mean this page kind of is pretty stagnant. Would anyone be interested if ever I opened some slots for it? It's a long shot but I'm in desperate need of some money right now. Plus I kind of hate my life right now and I just wanted to draw. This is really killing me. I do not know what to do. I don't even like drama shit but here I am doing it because I'm desperate. I apologize. I understand if no one else sees this post since, well, nobody really looks at somebody's journal specially a journal of some guy who rarely updates his deviantArt account. This is so unprofessional of me but I can't help it. Again, I apologize. I might just be talking to myself yet again.

What's a good reason to draw? Suggestions? :3

Hi DA. Akala ko hindi na tayo friends! X3 Antagal ko na rin kase hindi ginagalaw yung account na ito eh. Nawawala na ako DA. Hindi ko na alam direksyon ko sa buhay. hehe. Sana talaga emo lang ako ngayon tas bukas ok uli o kaya ok uli nex week o nex month o nex six months o nex year. Ewan koooooooo hindi ko lam kung saan ako patungo DA.

Minsan nangtitrip lang ako at nangungutya ng mga otaku. Yung tipong hardcore japan-level-hikkikomori-type na otaku na takot lagi sa mga 3D at 2D lang talaga yung mahal.

It turns out na parang nagiging ganun na rin ako. Ahahaha. Mukhang mas ok nga talaga 2D kesa sa 3D. Nakakatawa nga lang din siguro kase sa dami ng napagdaanan ko na maski hindi naman talaga ganun ka-extreme di tulad ng nararanasan ng ibang tao e nagagawa ko pa rin pagsukuan yung mga simpleng bagay na ito.

Nadala ba ako sa convinience na naipapamahagi ng 2D over 3D? Di kaya dahil walang pain? E diba sabi nila "no pain no gain"? E pano kung ikaw yung type na mejo sabog na talaga? Yung parang, (di ko madescribe eh) alam mo ginawa mo yung kaya mo para kahit anong mangyare e wala kang choice kundi tanggapin yung mga katotohanan sa buhay kahit alam mong masasaktan ka. Yung nagprepare ka talaga kahit alam mo na kahit noon pa man alam mo na rin yung magiging resulta? Pero sa oras na maganap magiging balat sibuyas kang tao tas iisipin mong gunaw na ang mundo mo. Ka-emohan ko over the top. Kelangan ko lang talaga ng outlet. E since wala naman talagang pakealam mga tao sa page ko na ito dito ko na lang sinulat. hihihi. Pwede naman sa diary (na wala naman ako) o sa personal blog (na nakalimutan ko na yung password) o kaya naman kimkimin ko na lang (na mejo hindi ko na rin kaya at kelangan ko ng ilabas) pede ring ikwento ko na lang sa mga kaibigan ko (na gasgas na talaga sobra yung tipong gusto na nila siguro ako sagasaan ng tanke o ipadeploy sa mars para tumigil na ako sa kaka-emo ko at kakaulit ng sinasabi). Kaya eto, minalas ung DA kase eto lang talaga yung naaalala kong password.

Speaking of 2D, bakit anggaling ng mga Hapon mambola ng tao? Alam naman nating papel lang yun na dinrowing na kahit paano e kaya ko ring gawin kung tutuusin. Tas magha-hire sila ng seiyuu (voice actress) para bigyang buhay yung papel na yun. Tas ayan, solb na. Di ka lang makakarelate sa storya, maiiyak ka pa paminsan. lol.

Naiisip ko paminsan na limang taon o sampung taon mula ngayon e hikkikomori (NEET; freeloader) na ang ending ko. Kung gugustuhin ko o kung malakas ang will ko, kaya ko itong maiwasan. Kaya kong maging hardcore sa bagay na gusto kong gawin talaga para sa buhay ko (kung hindi pa rin obyus e yun yung pagdodrowing ng kung anu-anong bagay para maging masaya lahat ng tao sa world wide world intergalactic universe of all multiverses). Pero kase andaling sabihin neto eh: "Para san pa? Wala rin namang pupuntahan." Tas nun maririnig mo na lang din sa kaloob-looban ng iyong isipan na "Ambobo mo pare, wala namang madaling bagay sa mundo. Kung ganun ang takbo ng mundo, lahat tayo dalubhasa at mahusay sa sobrang husay natin hindi mo na kailangang mag-isip kusa na lang lalabas yung gusto mong maganap at ang lahat ng tao sa mundo e puro masasaya na wala ng kaproble-problema." Walang problema. Yun siguro yung problema. Kase, wala naman talaga ako dapat problemahin paminsan, pinoproblema ko pa rin. Kaya kong mabuhay ng hindi pinapatay yung brain cells ko sa mga bagay na hindi naman dapat problemahin. Andaming problema ng mundo tas yung pinoproblema ko pipichugin lang. Namroblema ka pa. Ang tawag dun nagsayang ka lang ng oras kaiisip ng bagay na hindi naman dapat prinoproblema.

Naubusan na ako ng metaphoric laway sa kakadada.

Hopefully it's just another day. For now 2D muna. Too much hurt from 3D.

Can't blame anyone. T'was my own downfall. Pick up your dogtags and tuck 'em in your shirt. Rollin' rollin' rollin'.

Putangina desu.

Hi deviantART gang. How's it going? Hope ya'll doin' fine.  

<sup>That moment when you realize that you want to step up your art and you've got the basic understanding of human anatomy (the right and proper way) and can't execute well enough because you indulge yourself to too much moe crap making your head bleed because you want to create some awesome-looking [joe madureira/adam hughes/j scott campbell-ish] art style and you still end up drawing super moe looking characters with the same looking faces and forever changing hairstyles.

This might be the reason i can't draw right these days (or months). As soon as I finish a certain artwork, I keep on saying to myself that "This is not it! It's still waaaay to japanese! It looks like a molded piece of american-ish comic style with it being asian!". I just really couldn't explain it that well.

They say that style comes out of you eventually. The most influential school of styles as I see it today are the American side and the Japanese/Korean side when it comes to comics/manga. I have seen some European ones too and they're pretty awesome as well. It just looks much more fresher. Some of them has this manga influenced feel to it with American-style page layouts for paneling.

I'm kinda lost right now when it comes to style. It has been troubling me for quite some time now that it actually affects my desire to draw.

I'll find my own voice eventually. I just want to vent this crap out. I'm sorry dA for this rant. </3</sup>